Archive for May, 2010


The Truth Hurts – ID Theft

On an average day I talk to several people that have had their identities stolen. This has become an epidemic in America, one that can be avoided. The reason for the increase in identity theft rests squarely on the parents, the people in the 30-50 year old age bracket. These people have two issues to overcome. The first is blissful ignorance. Their parents lived in a safer time, a world where you knew your neighbors and you didn’t have to lock your doors. They never had to learn how to protect themselves and their identities. As a result they are raising a generation of people that have no common sense when it comes to keeping their information safe.

The teens and early twenties people of our generation have no clue what is stupid behavior. When they get bank statements they throw them out in the envelope, often without looking at them. You just gave a thief your address, your name, your bank and account numbers, as well as your shopping patterns, maybe even your signature. Then there are the people that leave their purse or wallet in the car. Your car gets broken into or even left unlocked, and a thief has every piece of identity you own, and your money can be gone in an instant. The worst thing people do is trust friends to use their debit card and pin number. If you have a dishonest friend who knows your pin number and card number, then consider yourself screwed.

The next generation of identity theft lies with the children too young to have an identity worth taking. Their impending issues are their names. Parents are making up more and more unusual names for their children. When you have a name like Bob, Mary, Rick, Jeff, etc you know if the person you are talking to is a man or a woman. If you talk to Jamira is that person male or female? I have seen both. Now some names may have meaning in other countries or languages, but if you want to avoid identity theft try a bit more of a distinctive name. If you teach your children how to stay safe and give them a normal name then their identity will be safer.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink

[MY QUOTE]

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…but you can drowned it trying

Fun With Family Guy

For years Family Guy has been one of the most irreverent and controversial shows on television. When your show gets canceled and only makes it back on the air due to a rabid Internet fanbase, it goes to show that you are one of the best at what you do. Family Guy has always strives to push the envelope, and not only does the show not apologize for this, they revel in it. Would you really think that Family Guy’s Emmy campaign would be anything less than over the top?

In a world that strives to be politically correct, Family Guy flips the world the bird. Like most comedies, when it comes to awards the focus is on fun (The Boondocks slogan their first year was “Fuck It, We’ll Try Anyway”). For Family Guy it is fun and making fun that they excel at. They decided to try a theme they call “Celebrating Diversity”. So without further adieu, here are the highlights from Family Guy’s Emmy mailer…

The “Celebrating Diversity” theme is carried on inside with a list of all writers on the animated show grouped by ethnicity/sexual orientation: “Family Guy – written by 8 WASPS, 6 Jews, 2 Asian and 1 Gay.” They also had their poster featuring Peter Griffin in the movie poster from Precious. It isn’t a bad idea but can it top their success last year when it won for Best Comedy, the first cartoon to win in almost 50 years. At least last year’s mailer had better reasons to vote for the show. “We peaked 3 years ago, so by your logic we should get an Emmy now; You have to vote for us — we did a holocaust episode; and Family Guy with Tina Fey… Not really, we just want an Emmy”.

Will Family Guy win another Best Comedy Emmy this year? They have my vote (not that I have one or anyone cares what I think).

Jack Bauer…Vampire?

With the final season of 24 ending the biggest mystery of all is Jack Bauer. A normal television season takes place over weeks or months, where 24 takes place in one day. We tend to forget that the gash, burn, or broken rib in the sixth hour should and would still be there twelve hours later, but miraculously they are gone. Not only does Jack have the power to heal almost instantly, but also he never ages. Take a look at the timeline from the various 24 seasons to see that Jack Bauer may be a vampire (fast healing + can’t die + doesn’t age).
In the first season, in 2001, Jack was a highly successful federal agent with a 15-year-old daughter. Although Jack’s age was never stated, he had to be at least in his late mid to late thirties. He was a college graduate who had received his master’s in criminology, then joined the U.S. Army, reaching the rank of captain in the prestigious Delta Squad. After the Army, he worked for Los Angeles SWAT team, and then joined the CIA in its clandestine wing. After this, he was recruited to the CTU, the mysterious agency where Jack toils when the series begins. It is almost impossible for an average person to have accomplished so much before they were fifty, but Bauer is no average man.
When the series started we can be extra generous and say he was 38. A warning is that the timeline isn’t exact but it is as close as we can get. Season 2 was 18 months after season 1, making Jack 39-40. Season 3 was three years after season 2, making Jack about 42-43. Season 4 was 18 months after season 3, making Jack about at least 45. Season 5 was 18 months after season 4, making Jack about 47. Season 6 was 20 months after season 5, making Jack about 49. 24-Redemption, a two-hour movie that supposedly tied things together, was four years after season 6, making Jack 53-54. Season 7, happening shortly after Redemption, still has Jack at around 54. Season 8, looks to be three years after season 8, as Jack’s granddaughter is close to three, making Jack around 57. He’s quite a physical specimen for a man with an AARP Card! Also, add up the years and it is now 2014 in the series, if the series started in the same year that it aired. Maybe that explains all the CTU super-technology that does not seem to exist in our reality. VAMPIRES I TELL YOU, VAMPIRES.

With the final season of 24 ending the biggest mystery of all is Jack Bauer. A normal television season takes place over weeks or months, where 24 takes place in one day. We tend to forget that the gash, burn, or broken rib in the sixth hour should and would still be there twelve hours later, but miraculously they are gone. Not only does Jack have the power to heal almost instantly, but also he never ages. Take a look at the timeline from the various 24 seasons to see that Jack Bauer may be a vampire (fast healing + can’t die + doesn’t age).In the first season, in 2001, Jack was a highly successful federal agent with a 15-year-old daughter. Although Jack’s age was never stated, he had to be at least in his late mid to late thirties. He was a college graduate who had received his master’s in criminology, then joined the U.S. Army, reaching the rank of captain in the prestigious Delta Squad. After the Army, he worked for Los Angeles SWAT team, and then joined the CIA in its clandestine wing. After this, he was recruited to the CTU, the mysterious agency where Jack toils when the series begins. It is almost impossible for an average person to have accomplished so much before they were fifty, but Bauer is no average man.When the series started we can be extra generous and say he was 38. A warning is that the timeline isn’t exact but it is as close as we can get. Season 2 was 18 months after season 1, making Jack 39-40. Season 3 was three years after season 2, making Jack about 42-43. Season 4 was 18 months after season 3, making Jack about at least 45. Season 5 was 18 months after season 4, making Jack about 47. Season 6 was 20 months after season 5, making Jack about 49. 24-Redemption, a two-hour movie that supposedly tied things together, was four years after season 6, making Jack 53-54. Season 7, happening shortly after Redemption, still has Jack at around 54. Season 8, looks to be three years after season 8, as Jack’s granddaughter is close to three, making Jack around 57. He’s quite a physical specimen for a man with an AARP Card! Also, add up the years and it is now 2014 in the series, if the series started in the same year that it aired. Maybe that explains all the CTU super-technology that does not seem to exist in our reality. VAMPIRES I TELL YOU, VAMPIRES.

Ever since news came out that Tim Burton would be making a live version of Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Deep as the Mad Hatter, fans have waited with bated breath. By now if you were planning on going to see the movie you probably already have, so it is safe to talk about it.

Now I am a huge fan of Tim Burton, the Mad Hatter, and the insanity of the Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass books. The movie was based more on Alice Through the Looking Glass (about when she was grown) with a flashback to the original Alice in Wonderland. This was a movie that was better in 3-D, but wasn’t crucial. In fact the best thing about the movie was the graphics. The movie was short and the story seemed a bit rushed. There were little continuity problems (the cuts on Alice’s are getting better and worse depending on the scene) but nothing that took away from the movie as a whole. That being said it was still worth the experience, even if it is just to see for yourself if Deep’s dancing ruins the movie.

Once one of your favorite actors, actresses, directors, etc. takes on a role you will always be more excited to see it than a film without someone you have an interest in seeing. I can’t decide if I am being to hard or too easy on Alice in Wonderland, but it is worth seeing especially if you can still see it in 3-D.

Sports We Ignore

All around the world people take part in sports that the average American doesn’t understand or couldn’t care less about. Sports like bullfighting, rugby, and cricket are barely a blip on America’s radar screen. Even professional soccer has seemed to elude many Americans. Our kids may play it but when the casual soccer fan would have trouble naming the best teams and players that shows a lack of interest. We are so set in our ways that if it isn’t one of the big four sports (baseball, basketball, football, hockey) we don’t seem to care. Even golf is a sport people play but don’t watch, outside of Tiger Woods. The sad thing is that there are major things occurring right now and we are oblivious.

ESPN is currently trying to introduce cricket to their audience. They can’t risk a ratings bomb in primetime so they are showing it (complete with small little picture advertisement) on ESPN360.com. Apparently ESPN News, ESPN 2, ESPN etc., all had other obligations to broadcast.

Last December on of the best rugby players in the world came out that he was gay. Until Sports Illustrated ran an article this month on Gareth Thomas you would have trouble naming anything rugby related. I know I have no knowledge about the sport other than just a basic understanding of how it works. I am ignorant to the sport myself, and was amazed at the story of Thomas. What was astounding is how well teammates and fans received his news. Would we be so accepting if Peyton Manning or LeBron James announced they were gay?

There is one sport that I just can’t support, and that is bullfighting. There is pageantry and beauty in the sport so they say, but to me it seems like mocking an animal as it slowly dies. Once in a while the bull gets revenge for his species, but what happened to Julio Aparicio is cruel by any standards. Aparicio is one of the best bullfighters in the world, but he is now in critical condition. He fought a bull and the bull won, goring him through the jaw. Nobody deserves this.

So next time you are bored, or your favorite team is getting blown out, try taking a look at a new sport. You may just find out that you have room in your life for another sport.

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**’Hello?’**


**’Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?’**


**’No, Daddy.**
**She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Dave.’**

**After a brief pause,**


**Daddy says,**

**’But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Dave.’**

*’Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy,**

**Right now..’**

Brief Pause.



**’Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’**



**’Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’**

**A few minutes later**

**The little girl comes back to the phone.**


**’I did it, Daddy.’**

**’And what happened, honey?’ **


‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**


**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn’t moving at all!’**

**’Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Dave?’**
**’He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**


**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’**

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**
**’Swimming pool?  ………..**

**Is this 486-5731?’*

**No, I think you have the wrong number………*

Dog For Sale

Dog For  Sale
Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.  Most of them knew Jethro only by his  Oriental street name, Ho Lee Schitt.

Favre Can’t Leave Now

There is a new wrinkle in the ongoing Brett Favre career saga. Favre’s nephew Dylan is entering Ole Miss in the fall after a stellar high school career. It will take the younger Favre time to develop and perform well enough to get a chance at making it in the NFL. If Dylan Favre does play well enough in college to get a chance in the pros it will take time for him to learn the pro game. At that point Brett can retire and become Dylan’s position coach. We can’t have football without at least one Favre playing in the NFL. Brett Favre will have to continue to make the sacrifice and keep playing until no team wants him or Osteoporosis sets in. Don’t worry football fans Brett will be back in time for Week 1 of the 2010 season… somewhere.

Dez Bryant was a talented Wide Receiver at Oklahoma State but he did have his issues with the law and injuries, as well as a bad attitude. It was no secret that his past was going to take him from a top five pick in the NFL Draft to the bottom of the first round, costing him millions of dollars in future bonuses and salary. What Bryant needed was something to cheer him up. So when Bryant meet with the Miami Dolphins’ GM Jeff Ireland he told Bryant a few “Yo Momma” jokes to lighten the mood (YO MOMMA might have been the best show on MTV, EVER). No harm right?

Ireland led off with “Is yo momma still a prostitute?” and then “Yo momma still a druggie?”. I admit not the most creative jokes, but what do you expect from a middle-aged football executive? Well he was serious and actually asked Bryant these questions, during his pre-draft interview. For somereason Bryant was irate, but kept his cool. Ireland later apologized for the questions, and could face punishment from the NFL.

This little too good to be true story runs the gambit of feelings for me. I can understand the rage and embarrassment Bryant felt, but was Ireland out of line? If you are investing millions of dollars in a player you want to make sure he can keep his cool. You wouldn’t expect those questions in a normal job interview, but for that much money and public scrutiny, you could make up questions, stories, or limericks, about anyone in my family and I would deal with it.

Bryant will hear trash talking that is far worse on the field, but how you handle yourself in an unusual situation can be crucial. What would the story have been if Bryant flipped out and hit Ireland? Who would be the bad guy then? Ireland was out of line for what fans and players are used to, but who drew that line? If a coach or opponent can get a player to punch, kick, spit at, choke, or pull a gun on someone else, do we need to throw curveballs like this at people that may be prone to snapping and causing more damage later? Food for thought.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung It on my back porch and filled It with seed. What a beauty of A bird feeder it is, as I filled it Lovingly with seed. Within a Week we had hundreds of birds Taking advantage of the Continuous flow of free and Easily accessible food.

But then the birds started Building nests in the boards Of the patio, above the table, And next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was Everywhere: on the patio tile, The chairs, the table. Everywhere!

Then some of the birds Turned mean.They would Dive bomb me and try to Peck me even though I had Fed them Out of my own Pocket. And others birds were Boisterous and loud. They Sat on the feeder and Squawked and screamed at All hours of the day and night
And demanded that I fill it When it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even Sit on my own back porch Anymore.. So I took down the Bird feeder and in three days The birds were gone. I cleaned Up their mess and took down
The many nests they had built All over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like It used to be…Quiet, serene And no one demanding their Rights to a free meal.

Now let’s see.
Our government gives out Free food, subsidized housing, Free medical care, and free
Education and allows anyone Born here to be an automatic Citizen. Then the illegals came by the Tens of thousands. Suddenly Our taxes went up to pay for Free services; small apartments Are housing 5 families; you Have to wait 6 hours to be seen By an emergency room doctor; Your child’s 2nd grade class is Behind other schools because Over half the class doesn’t speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a Bilingual box; I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank Talk to me in English, and People waving flags other Than ‘Old Glory’ are
Squawking and screaming In the streets, demanding More rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government To take down the bird Feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, Continue cleaning up the poop!

When the television show V came back last month in March I was ecstatic. The show is a guilty pleasure, a mainstream sci-fi show that isn’t just for nerds. Recently (and for the first time in any sci-fi show) it came up that humans and the alien V’s can’t breed. Common sense would say that different species wouldn’t be able to procreate, but I guess we are supposed to chalk that up to willing suspension of disbelief. In a recent episode the “impossible” happened, an alien got a human woman pregnant. He had just told his girlfriend that he couldn’t have kids, and know she is knocked up and craving dead mice. This got me to thinking, what if aliens are already on Earth? Is the way to tell as simple as the ability to have children? Now there are people that have the ability to have kids, but it never happens, and there are instances where there are medical issues that prevent children. What about the people that medically should be able to have kids but even after years of trying, never can breed? I think we need to examine them, they may not really be human, just visitors from another planet. Think about it…

For most guys the most feared thing we ever can encounter is spending $30 to go to a movie theater and watch a horrible chick flick. A sappy love story, no action, no killing, nothing blown up, it is like paying to be tortured for two hours. What men need is for these awful movies to be made more guy friendly. Imagine Ghost with actual ghosts, the Titanic where the rich passengers go below decks to fight with the poor travelers, and Dirty Dancing wherePatrick Swayze is an undercover assassin. What I propose is the master of guy movies Quentin Tarentino remakes these “classics” in his normal style. Sit back and enjoy the first of many in the series “Tarentino Fixes… ”.

The first movie to fix is none other than Pretty Woman. A few changes keep the plot the same but make the movie much more patchable. Richard Gere would be the head of an import/export company in town to buy off politicians to let his mob in town. While in town he would rent out a hooker (Julia Roberts) to keep him company, no need to change that, just thrown in some more skin. Gere would use Roberts to influence the politicians, giving them Roberts or any other woman they wanted. When Jason Anderson found out that Gere was falling for Roberts he was going to kill him and take over the mob. Roberts’ friend would then kill off Alexander before he could take out Gere. The killing would cause Roberts to leave Gere in fear for her life and try to escape the town. Gere would use all methods at his disposal to track her down until finally finding her at an abandoned warehouse. No white knight riding in on his horse, you get Gere taking Roberts away in a limo with the movie ending. You never know what she does, it she stays with him, she tries to leave, she gets killed for knowing too much info, you just never know.

There are weird similarities between Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. * Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. * Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. * Both were shot in the back of the head in the presence of their wives. * Lincoln was shot in the Ford Theatre. Kennedy was shot in a Lincoln, made by Ford * Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. *Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. * Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy. * Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. * Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. * Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’ Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘Lincoln’ made by ‘Ford.’ * Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater. * Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

From a former war vet

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, ‘I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and y elling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the ‘New army’ now, ‘Get down and give me … er .. One.’

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. Also, we won’t get in trouble for mistreating prisoners.
We won’t take any.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the first night!

The Best Stuff On Earth?

For years Snapple has used the ad line “Made from the best stuff on Earth”. I never really thought about it, one way or the other. While Snapple is good I have never been a huge drinker of it, I always was more of a soda fan. The other day my wife was having Snapple, their all natural “Snapple Apple” flavor. SO I looked at the ingredients and noticed something was missing. SNAPPLE APPLE HAS NO APPLES. Water, sugar, pear juice, citric acid, natural flavors, vegetable and fruit extracts for color. Is that messed up or what? Apparently the best stuff on Earth doesn’t include actual fruit in fruit drinks

So, Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, and Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for the 9th time. Jesse James and Tiger Woods are, well…. You know. Even Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh are on their 3rd and 4th marriages, yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to destroy the institution of marr……iage, REALLY?

World Peace Plan

Robin William’s plan for world peace

(Hard to argue with this logic!)
‘I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here’s one plan.’

1) ‘The US will apologize to the world for our ‘interference’ in their affairs, past &present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those ‘good ole boys’, we will never ‘interfere’ again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines They don’t want us there, anyway. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They’re illegal!!! France will welcome them .

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don’t like it there, change it yourself and don’t hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don’t need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers

5) No foreign ‘students’ over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, they get a ‘D’ and it’s back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while .

7) Offer Saudi A rabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don’t like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not ‘interfere.’ They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need
it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace We don’t need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10 ) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us ‘Ugly Americans’ any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH…learn it..or LEAVE…

Now, isn’t that a winner of a plan?

‘The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling,
‘you want a piece of me?’ ‘

Peter Gammons is not only one of the best baseball journalists ever, he is one the the best sports writers covering any sport for the last quarter century. Nobody has more insight, more contacts, more intelligent thoughts than Gammons. He knew what a player or team was going to do before they did it, and he knew why they did it. Gammons has had an enlightened opinion about other sports as well, at least until recently.

After the recent UFC PPV earlier this month Gammons ripped into UFC and MMA in general “We cannot call ourselves civilized as long as louts pay to go back to the Dark Ages and see UFC.” Not exactly a statement that can be misinterpreted, nor has he spoken out against a more violent sport like boxing. People with the opinion that MMA is a “Dark Age” sport are in the dark themselves. When compared to the “civilized” sport of boxing, UFC is much safer for the competitors.

Any UFC event is sanctioned by the same state athletic commission that handles all sports. UFC has shorter rounds than boxing, with three or five rounds as compared to the usual twelve in boxing. Where the big difference lies is with the style of battle. Boxing is punching to the head and body, which can quickly lead to brain injury. MMA is a combination of kicks, grappling, punches, and wrestling. You are not going to see many MMA fighters that have a career by just punching. MMA is a safer sport my an almost immeasurable amount.

Every person is entitled to their own opinion on what sports they like or dislike. MMA isn’t for everyone, but violence shouldn’t be a reason if you are familiar with the sport. What astonishes me is how the best sports mind of his time can pass a judgment that isn’t supported by facts.

Boondocks is the best cartoon strip and TV cartoon ever, there is no debate. They say what people think, they mock anyone and everyone, they say anything (they did an episode about the N (Nigga is a friend Nigger is an insult), and best of all, Samuel L Jackson plays a white militant Iraq vet named Gin Rummy. Rummy’s best lines are taken from Donald Rumsfield quotes “absence of evidence” and “unknown unknows” and made into huge satire. Here is the best…

Gin Rummy: I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Simply because you don’t have evidence that something does exist does not mean you have evidence of something that doesn’t exist.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: What country are you from?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: ‘What’ ain’t no country I ever heard of! They speak English in ‘What’?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: So you understand the words I’m saying to you!
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: Well, what I’m saying is that there are known knowns and that there are known unknowns. But there are also unknown unknowns; things we don’t know that we don’t know.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Say what again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more time!

The best line from any movie ever. Period. Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting

Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I’m real happy with myself, ’cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin’, “Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area” ’cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there, gettin’ shot. Just like it wasn’t them when their number got called, ’cause they were pullin’ a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some kid from Southie takin’ shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, ’cause he’ll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain’t helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they’re takin’ their sweet time bringin’ the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin’ play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain’t too long ’til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy’s out of work and he can’t afford to drive, so he’s got to walk to the fuckin’ job interviews, which sucks ’cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin’ him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he’s starvin’, ’cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I’m holdin’ out for somethin’ better. I figure fuck it, while I’m at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Google Chrome Reviewed

Welcome to the new age of the Internet, the era of Google Chrome. Does the world really need a new web browser with Internet Explorer, Firefox, Safari, and countless other options? The answer is no, but did the Net need another email company or instant messenger service when Gmail debuted? There is no dispute that Google is the best search engine out there, and they are slowly taking over the complete Internet experience. You have your search engine, email, IM, blogs, and now even your browser all through one company. Convenient and monopolistic, but not in an evil AOLtype way.

So how does Google Chrome stack up against the other competition out there? Well I predict that within 18 months Chrome will be more popular than Firefox and be the standard for all those non-Mac users that hate Internet Explorer. Chrome has a setup similar to Firefox but it throws in its own phrases for the options menu (Under the Hood, Minor Tweaks, etc). One very attractive feature is an automatically enabled blocker that prevents against redirects to known virus sites. Chrome is very user friendly, storing your most frequently visited sites and most recent sites on the homepage. The only negative I have seen is an occasional need to refresh once you have been on the same page for a few minutes, but that seems to occur mostly on pages that say they are not Chrome compatible. All in all Chrome puts Internet Explorer to shame but it hasn’t quite passed Firefox for my browser of choice.

LeBron may be the best basketball player in the world but the Cavs needed a win in Game 6 against the Celtics to have a chance at advancing. This is when the best players step up and own the game. LeBron filled up the stat sheet but there are a few glaring problems in his performance.

MIN FGM-A FTM-A OREB REB AST STL BLK TO PF +/- PTS
45 8-21 9-12 3 19 10 3 1 9 2 -5 27

LeBron shot only 38% from the field and despite a triple-double he committed NINE Turnovers. That is inexcusable.  Find me a series elimination game that Jordan, Chamberlain, Bird, Magic, or Russell shot that poorly and committed that many turnovers. You won’t. LeBron can blame his supporting cast all he wants, but when he leaves in the off-season to go to New York or wherever he ends up this summer, remember this game.

LeBron can’t win in the Playoffs, at least when he is the alpha male on his team. Thank God the Celtics signed Rajon Rondo to an extension when they did. Celtics will win another title before LeBron does.

Every generation has its bullies in the world of sports. Mike Tyson was once one of the most feared men on the planet, and he brought boxing huge amounts of media attention, both positive and negative. While everyone remembers his infamous ear biting and low blows, I have always been a fan of his words more than his actions. The wrestling fan in me always loves a good promo that can whip a crowd into a frenzy. Tyson knew how to talk the talk, and was the best at athlete with a mic in his hands since Ali. Hearing Tyson threatening to eat Lennox Lewis’s children was disturbing but brilliant. Tyson’s verbal ability has never wavered even with his questionable mental stability and side show atmosphere on the rise. While Tyson’s boxing career may be over, he will always stop the presses when he opens his mouth. The bad guy promo torch may now have been passed to a new athlete in an increasingly popular sport.

MMA is one of the fastest growing sports in the world and the UFC is the alpha male company in the mixed martial arts world. The UFC received a bad rap from its Fight Club style beginning, but it has grown into a well organized, officially sanctioned, and extremely profitable organization. With the recent 100th Pay Per View for UFC, a new king of the heels may have been crowned. Brock Lesnar started as a dominant member of the WWE, but grew tired of the physical grind and hectic schedule. He gave up millions of dollars per year to try out for the NFL and eventually enter the world of MMA. Lesnar’s natural abilities as a wrestler and his intimidating size made him a natural and he was soon on the fast track to success. Lesnar was signed by the UFC after one pro bout, but ran into a rookie mistake against veteran Frank Mir. Lesnar was pounding Mir until he made one false move and was forced to submit. A rematch would be a huge sell, and in the meantime Lesnar won the UFC title fromHall of Fame star Randy Couture. At UFC 100 Lesnar would get a chance to avenge his only professional loss. He destroyed the trash talking Mir and left him a bloody mess. Lesnar’s post match taunting of Mir and the crowd (as well as a few hand gestures for good measure) left him smiling amongst a chorus of boos. Despite a public frowning on Lesnar’s action, UFC had to be thrilled with the further acceleration of the new bad boy of the octagon.

Brock Lesnar quickly became just what the UFC needed, not just a larger-than-life star, but a person people could pay to boo. Lesnar is the person you love to hate, the no nonsense star that has talent and knows it. He is better than everyone else and could prove it everyday. He is a money making machine built like a modern day Goliath. Not only can UFC make millions of his star power, but the person that eventually takes his title will instantly become a larger than life star. What better way to build a hero than by constructing an indestructible villain for him to defeat? Lesnar is a natural villain and stepping up his verbal abuse of his opponents only make him more hated, thus more marketable. Barring injury, Lesnar could compete in MMA for another decade. He has the ability to be the new face of MMA, allowing veterans like Chuck Liddell, Ken Shamrock, Tito Ortiz, and Randy Couture to pass the torch to the new and ever improving sport of MMA.

.As our country transitions to a more complex and politically charged atmosphere it is a refreshing change to see the supposed “spoiled” athletes take an active interest in politics. There are currently former professional athletes that are Mayors, Senators, Governors, and Congressmen, and this trend is on an upswing. George W. Bush was a former owner of the Texas Rangers, and numerous politicians own small parts of teams in all four major sports. America now has a politician that would be able to cross the political line and be an athlete. President Obama has an opportunity to become the first sitting politician that is also an active professional athlete. The Washington Wizards basketball team has the opportunity to make history and also help the economy all in one fell swoop. If they extend an invitation for President Obama to join the team, even in a few preseason games, that would help to boost interest in a struggling franchise and generate tremendous revenue. Sporting goods stores across the country and even the world would be selling out of Obama jerseys at an unprecedented rate, thus boosting the economy and helping to solidify sports and politics as the driving force behind the resurgence of the United States of America